On Loving and Being Yourself.

I learned this lesson in middle school and again in high school and I am learning it once again in college. I think it is just one of those things you have to constantly re-learn because we constantly change who we are.

The past couple months I have been horrible to myself and not giving myself any of the love that I deserve. I may be the nicest person to others, but to myself I am one big, mean bully. But I am trying to change that. And the first thing I need to do is to learn how to accept myself and stop comparing myself to other people all the time. This is no easy task.

At first the biggest issue seemed to be my body image. I am really good at only noticing the bad things. But here is the thing. I have an awesome body. Please do not think that I mean that I look like a super model or anything. I definitely do not look like any sort of model. But I am a healthy size and weight. I can walk around. I can swim. I can dance when the music plays. I can hug and I can kiss. My body is awesome just because it is a gift from God and I can use it to do awesome things.  The only thing about my appearance that is slightly problematic is my acne which isn't all that bad except for my horrible habit of picking at it. So I am trying to wash my face more regularly and not pick. (That is one thing that seems impossible though. I have been doing for as long as I remember, how am I supposed to stop now?)

Then I realized that I also wasn't being myself because I was more worried about what people think of me than what I think of myself. I have always been a little dorky and goofy, but more recently I have become a real dork. And I love it. I LOVE it. I play Pokemon and Dungeons and Dragons and I have really started to get into more comic book stuff. I am most definitely on the right path in my life. It is awesome because being dorky is something that I have always had the potential for and now I am able to really dig into that potential and I have this amazing boyfriend who I get to be dorky with! I love it. And really I don't consider it being dorky, I think being awesome is more the correct term. However, the other night I went out with my sister and her friends and when I was about to tell Taylor about the new game of D&D that we are about to begin I clamped my jaw shut because what if all of these girls knew that I like to play Dungeons and Dragons and Pokemon and oh gosh what if they judge me on that and think that I am a dork and not awesome like I am? And here is the thing about doing stuff like that. What if you do become friends with one of the people who you hide a huge part of yourself from? What happens when they do find out that you love X-Men? Hmm? Honestly they would probably be sad that they missed out on all that awesomeness that you hid from them. Either that or they will ditch you for not being cool enough and who has ever wanted a friend like that.

I am awesome and I need to remind myself that every time I start bullying myself. I am a beautiful awesome human being who loves and is loved.

I hope you know that you are also a beautiful awesome human being who loves and is loved. Don't forget it.